It's been about two weeks since I wrote in, declaring my intentions for the 21-day meditation with Oprah and Deepak. The update is I have failed miserably. Like bad. In the past 14 days, I have meditated a total of three times. Yeah. The challenge started on a Monday, but I began on Tuesday because that's when I got the email linking to the first meditation. I also meditated on Wednesday and Thursday. Friday is where I fell off the wagon. I totally forgot about meditating on the weekend and then into the next week I never got back on the wagon. Now, I feel too far gone to continue.
The meditations are only available for 5 days, so I could start back up (having missed some) but I'm so not into it right now. Admitting this to myself and you feels like a big failure, but I would rather be real about my failures than pretend to be someone I'm not. I hear the negative voices in my head and have to work to let them go.
I still crave a quiet, still alone time in the morning and will be making an effort to incorporate that more, but I think pulling out my Bible/praying/journaling would be more natural to me than meditating.
How are you doing with the challenge if you tried it? If you've stuck with it, I applaud you. And I hope you are getting something good out of it. Are you hating me for not continuing? I feel like a workout partner who quit, leaving you hanging. And that feels bad. When it comes to certain things in life, we absolutely have to keep going, whether we feel like it or not. You have to wake up to feed the crying baby, you have to go to work, you have to take your parents to the doctor, you have to pay the mortgage, you have to meet that deadline. But, there are other times when it's really okay to let something go. Only YOU can decide what those situations are. And you have to face the consequences for your decision. I completely get it if you're disappointed in me or upset or think I'm not good with my word. I have to live with the fact that I said I was going to do this and I didn't finish. And I chose to put it out there on the Internet, so it's a public fail.
I would appreciate your grace, your kindness, your empathy. The friends who support us when we've let ourselves down are the kind of people we need in our lives. It's the kind of person I want to be in return.
My intention for trying the meditations initially was to try to still myself each day so that I could be more present and more peaceful on the inside. Admitting that I failed makes me feel human, vulnerable, and a little bit brave.
